Out of Meds

I ran out of meds today. This is the first time since September 2006 that I have been without any oxy.

I have 74 hours until I can refill my perscription, I have no money or anything to pawn and there is no one who will lend me some pills to get through the next three days.

This is going to be a long night. I have no idea what my body is going to do while in withdrawl, and I am honestly quite scarred. I have read the blogs and forums and I know what the typical symptoms are. And I am not so much worried about those as I am the depression that has already gotten a strangle hold of me.

I realize now that one of the other benefits oxy is that it numbs you to a lot of emotion and feelings.

How long has it been since I had a sex drive? How long sicne I had any genuine appetite for anything?

If I could find a pill, I wouldn't have to think about it. But since I can't, my mind has started reasoning and the word that best describes how I feel is "cheated". Cheated because I have to trade off so much just not to be in pain.

So the long night begins... 74 hours to go.